Help Wanted: Must Be a Dick

The following job vacancy was recently advertised in The Guardian... (Lmfao tbh)

Daily Mail

•Britain’s most successful newspaper group is offering would-be reporters and writers an exciting and challenging yearlong training course, plus the chance to work at the Daily Mail and Mail Online

•We are looking for bright, sharp, intelligent writers who believe they can be fast-tracked to the very top

•You’ll be on the best journalism course in the business – and be paid a competitive salary while you train

•Successful applicants will probably have completed post-graduate journalism training or had experience working in newspapers

Apply by February 21, with your CV, 200 words on why you think you could be a Mail journalist, a 200-word news story and a selection of up to six cuttings and send to Sue Ryan, Trainee Reporters’ Scheme, Daily Mail, Northcliffe House, 2 Derry St, London W8 5TT.
Please send queries to sue.ryan@dailymail.co.uk

A few bloggers i follow have had some fun with this, and i decided to join in! Their attempts are much more entertaining than mine:
Conform, Consume, Obey
The Pursuit of HappYness

Here goes...

Dear Sue,

I am writing in response to your advertisement in the Guardian. I couldn’t believe my luck to stumble upon such a brilliant job opportunity.

I feel I would fit right in at your newspaper as I am a person of very little morals, and I don’t like to work very hard. I am also very fond of a bit of scare mongering, a good scandal and moral panic.

I recall an article one of your staff writers Sarah Sands wrote in 2006 about the band My Chemical Romance. I worship that article. I feel it was entirely accurate, completely unbiased, and you did a very good thing alerting all those concerned parents to their children’s cutting habit. Sarah Sands is my idol. I would very much love the opportunity to be as good a writer as her...

I feel I am more than qualified for this role, seeing as I am half way through an undergraduate degree in English Language – something most of your writers seem to have skipped.

I strongly urge you to consider my application, as not many people would be willing to stoop to levels low enough to write for your fine publication. I look forward to your reply,

Yours sincerely,

Bitter Emo Kid  

I will let y'all know if i get a reply, but with the amount of bloggers i know doing this i doubt Sue will have a chance to write to us all personally. Maybe i'll get a generic email from the Daily Mail letting me know i have been unsuccessful... Or hell, i might get the job! *fingers crossed!*

Don't forget to apply for the job yourself!